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Maxabout.com > Tips
Formal occasions naturally call for a formal response. State invitations, even some invitations of major importance in the private circle, may need a note of formal acceptance or non-acceptance. Sometimes the invitations may not require a formal acceptance, in which case regrets for inability to attend may be communicated in time. Formal correspondence in such cases should be in the form "Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So thank Mr. and Mrs. X for their invitation but regret their inability to attend the dinner due to indisposition/previous engagement" and so on. However, it may be mentioned that the importance of the occasion, that of the person inviting and of the one invited are to be taken into account. The precedence and priority of one occasion in relation to another cannot be denied. Thus a funeral may have precedence over a marriage which may be found more important than other -engagements.
If there are two persons who are sending out invitations for the same date, the choice would be on the invitee, but if one person is socially and officially superior, it may be tactful not to quote the other engagement as an excuse for not accepting. Where the person invited is superior in status to both the inviters, the option may be with the invitee to attend one occasion and send regrets to another. Short letters despatched after a ceremony thanking the callers or the invitees may sometimes be optional and may depend on the taste and proclivity of the person concerned. But an after-dinner (or any invitation) note may be obligatory from the etiquette point of view where the invitee feels it to be a favour for being invited and where he would like to perpetuate good relations with the host.
The characteristic of a formal note is that it tends to maintain the relationship at something other than the personal level. In official contacts and discourses, formal responses cannot be done away with. But some formal relation may mature into personal intimacy in which case rigid formalities may be slackened. There are, nevertheless, cases where such a possibility may never arise like an invitation from a government department or from its high executive's office. In such instances, the third person should be used to avoid any personal touch and the language should stay within the practical limits of official etiquette.
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